We’re Done with Patriarchal Business As Usual Communication Guidelines
Hey Sister, welcome to We're Done with Patriarchal Business As Usual! These are our Communication Guidelines for building a supportive retreat community.
Because you will be integrating big ideas and sharing your process in these spaces, how we communicate with one another throughout the retreat is incredibly important. Please read these Communication Guidelines with care. All participants are expected to adhere to these principles, in order to contribute to a safe and supportive community. Repeated violation of these rules will may result in expulsion from the Slack channel and/or retreat events, without refund.
If you have questions at any point, you can reach out to the Sister Team by direct messaging our retreat concierge Maggie Battista AKA Maggie - Sister in Slack. All retreat communication should happen via Slack. Please do not send us emails with questions or concerns pertaining to the retreat while it’s happening, as we will not be checking email and won’t see them until the event is over.
COMMUNICATION GUIDELINES FOR GROUP DISCUSSIONS ON SLACK & IN BREAKOUT ROOMS
At Sister, we practice non-invasive support. Offering non-invasive support means meeting others right where they are—honoring their process, choices, wants, and needs. It requires that we let go of any agenda we might have for someone else. It means completely detaching from another’s process, even if we see them making mistakes, being wrong, choosing the hard way, wasting money, or going slower than we want them to. It is the act of stepping into being a supportive witness, instead of a valiant savior.
For those who like to solve problems, be helpful, or "call-out" others, this approach can require extra diligence. The non-invasive supporter says, “I see you. I believe in you. I trust your process and your ability to do this.” This may feel cool or detached to you at first, but we believe you will appreciate the benefits of getting to have your own process without others weighing in on it. It will also relieve you of the emotional labor of having to tend to someone else's growth and development.
Everybody gets to do whatever they want—with their body, their life, their business. Often when we try to problem-solve, give advice, or teach when we haven’t been asked, we are implicitly saying that we doubt the other’s judgement or abilities. Who wouldn’t find that disempowering or insulting?
True support looks and feels like respect.
5 NON-HIERARCHICAL WAYS TO COMMUNICATE WITH EMPATHY
Mirror back what you are hearing.
I am hearing that you are feeling really stuck.
I hear that you are mad.
Name the emotion behind the words.
It sounds like you are feeling invigorated by your breakthrough.
That sounds really frustrating.
Ask for confirmation about what you’re hearing. This gives the speaker the opportunity to correct if you have mis-heard.
It sounds like you are really disappointed. Is that true?
It sounds like you feel relieved. Are you happy about the way that turned out?
Communicate that you are here and fully present. You can use a simple phrase.
I see you. I hear you. That sounds really hard.
Ask for clarification when things are confusing, inconsistent or muddled,
Help me understand what you mean when you say…
I’m a bit confused but I want to understand what you’re going through, could you tell me more about…
SOME ADDITIONAL THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO SHOW HEALTHY SUPPORT
“I will hold space for you for ___________________.”
“I am in agreement that you will ___________________.”
“I believe that you can ___________________.”
“I am with you.”
“I am cheering for you.”
“You’re doing awesome.”
“You’ve got this.”
DISCUSSION RULES
Do not give unsolicited advice. Yes. We mean it. Unless you are asked explicitly for your input, do not attempt to problem-solve, fix, rescue, or help anyone at any time. This can be maddening at first, we KNOW. But, as you get used to giving and receiving non-invasive support you will discover the magic of non-codependency: the gift of mutual respect.
If you would like to ask for solicited advice, you are welcome to post your question in the #free-advice channel to request group feedback. A word to the wise when seeking advice: check in with yourself to make sure you're looking for guidance that will help you locate your own answers, as opposed to asking others to solve your problem for you. (Note: this channel will open once retreat events begin on May 4th.)
Do not police other members of the group. Your retreat experience is about you: your beliefs, your purpose, and your magic. This is not the place to tell other people what to believe, value, or do. That said, if you experience a personal attack, or if you find someone's share offensive, please direct message our retreat concierge Maggie Battista AKA Maggie - Sister in Slack, so we can address it and offer you support. Any retreat attendees who engage in personal attacks or found in violation of our guidelines will receive one warning. Any repeated violations are grounds for expulsion from the retreat without refund.
You will know you are doing it wrong if: you feel tired, engrossed, judgmental, frustrated, are tempted to give advice, become confrontational, or want to swoop in and save someone's day. If you notice any of these feelings, pull your energy back, reconnect with your own grounding (feel your hips, your seat, your legs, your feet), and start over. You can do this silently while it is happening, even, and no one will be the wiser.
CULTIVATING A GENDER-INCLUSIVE & ANTI-RACIST LEARNING ENVIRONMENT
We’re Done is a gender-inclusive and anti-racist space. At this retreat, we do not tolerate implicitly or explicitly racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, fatphobic, ableist, or prejudicial statements or actions. We honor pronouns when speaking to each other and expect you to do the same. Please avoid digital blackface when choosing emojis or gifs. Be aware of microaggressions and hold yourself accountable for not perpetuating them.
The Sister team will monitor the online community and live event space for any violation of these guidelines. We reserve the right to delete any posts or shares that are in conflict of our communication guidelines. If we see something in flagrant violation of our community rules, it will be deleted immediately, without warning. Any retreat attendees found in violation of these guidelines will receive one warning. If you are found to be in violation, we will contact you via Slack or email. Repeated violations are grounds for expulsion from the retreat without refund. If at any time you feel you've witnessed or experienced a violation, please reach out to us on Slack by direct messaging our retreat concierge Maggie Battista AKA Maggie - Sister, so we can address it and offer you support.
QUESTIONS? CONCERNS?
Maggie, our Retreat Concierge and Queen of Slack, is available in Slack throughout the retreat to field your questions and help you get the most out of your retreat experience. If you have any concerns, direct message her AKA Maggie - Sister on Slack, and we will reply to you as soon as possible. Please do not email Jenn, Amelia, Elly, Maggie or any of our retreat presenters with questions or concerns pertaining to the retreat while it’s happening. We will not be replying to emails while the retreat is happening. If you need to get in touch with the Sister Team during the retreat, direct message Maggie - Sister on Slack, and she will relay your message to us.
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